The end of the year always brings around the Top 10 of just about anything you can imagine. As it happens, I am a big fan of weird stories, so here is a list of the top 10 from various sources. We will be updating this list as the days pass and the lists keep coming out.
The first top 10 is from Fark. Well, actually its the top 11, but who's counting? Personally, #8 is hilarious and well deserved. #4 and #10 were covered here a while ago, and are obviously favorites for that alone, even though the bear thing is just sick. In the end, #1 is a bit 'weird' to say the least, but #2 takes the prize as far as I'm concerned. Take a look ...
11. Blame it on the veins
The Governor of Ohio found himself in an uncomfortable position when the medical team assigned to set up the formal execution of a death row inmate couldn't find a vein to administer the lethal cocktail of drugs -- even with the inmate's help. After two hours and eighteen needle sticks, the team was forced to abandon the attempt and the inmate has received a reprieve while the medical team presumably figures out what other veins are accessible in a human body without turning the inmate into a human pincushion.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4639447
10. Top Gere
A French hotel unveiled a unique accommodation for travelers: a room for human hamsters. The entire room is set up like a hamster's cage, including a large exercise wheel in the center of the room. For just 99 Euros, guests get to feast on grains and a specially constructed water fountain. Travelers are welcome to wear a hamster hat if they choose, but most decline, because frankly, a hamster hat is just plain weird.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4775465
9. Mafia Wars has never been so real
While most Americans on Facebook use it for its intended purpose -- playing repetitive games and stalking ex-girlfriends -- Facebook did have to eliminate one group that made too strong a political statement. Facebook groups like "Bush is the Antichrist" and "Democrats suck" are protected under free speech, but the Bolivian Facebook group "Global collection to hire a sharpshooter to liquidate Evo Morales" was juuuuust a bit over the line. Facebook liquidated the group, and strongly urged Morales to get his mafia up to 501 members, just in case.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4179173
8. A scentsless crime
Police in Florence, Alabama responded to a robbery call but arrived too late. After a scuffle with the homeowner, the suspect had fled. Fortunately, the homeowner was unharmed and was able to give the police a description of the suspect, including height, weight and unique identifying characteristics. Specifically, a piece of the suspect's nose which was bitten off by the homeowner during the fight. Eventually, the suspect turned himself in and was happily reunited with the rest of his face.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4760509
7. And to hell with Luxembourg, while we're at it
Really, Colonel Gaddafi of Libya is a one-man freakshow unto himself, the weird and creepy carny-class among the stage of world leaders, so when he does weird crap like walk around all day with 200 beautiful models and then try to convert them to Islam by dinnertime, it sort of raises the bar for his own level of bizarre behavior to the point that it's sort of easy to miss a lot of it. But when he called on the United Nations to abolish the entire country of Switzerland earlier this year, well, that raised more than a few eyebrows. Experts felt it was retaliation for an incident earlier in the year when his son was arrested in Geneva for assaulting a chambermaid, but insiders think it's just as likely part of Gaddafi's ongoing war on cheese.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4615252
6. What's the Klingon word for social outcast?
One father decided that he wanted to perform a "language experiment" by teaching his son another language from birth, which would normally be awesome. What makes it ridiculous? Well, the language he chose for this full-immersion lesson was Klingon. Not anything useful, like Chinese or Spanish, or even Esperanto. The boy has now become a social experiment to see how long he retains his virginity among humans.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4778883
5. Leave it to Japan to blow right past "weird" and into "creepy"
A Japanese gamer who goes by the name Sal9000 decided in November that he had fallen in love with Nene Anegasaki and wanted to get married. Mr. 9000 was hooked-she was funny, witty and sexy. Unfortunately, he had to leave Japan and get married in Guam because of one small hitch: she wasn't real. Nene was not a real woman but a computer-generated avatar on his Nintendo DS. Like many other wedding nights, we can only presume it required lots of batteries.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4789600
4. Let's name him "Afterbear"
Okay, let's get one thing straight. As humans in western culture, we've been doing fine as a society for thousands of years without needing to deal with the placenta after the baby is born. Baby's healthy? We're good. We've been completely fine treating the placenta much in the same way we treat an envelope after we've read the mail. Important to get the mail here, but otherwise useless after (stem cells and cord blood excluded, of course). Either way, we don't make the placenta into a toy. So trying to figure out why one man decided to fashion the World's Worst Teddy Bear is beyond us. Saving $20 on a teddy bear will be outweighed by the thousands you spend later on therapy for your child, whose nickname will be Twitchy soon enough with this little nightmare in the crib.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4761507
3. Maybe the kid was really a tool
There's nothing like that awkward time after a breakup, when a couple has to carefully retrieve their individual belongings from the other person's house. Sometimes things are left behind deliberately as a pretext to see the other person. In the case of on Florida mother, the item left behind wasn't a CD collection or her toothbrush-it was her 17-year old son, who was living in the shed behind the woman's ex-boyfriend's house. The woman was charged with child neglect because the shed had no electricity, air conditioner or heater and no running water, making it very similar to the apartment of the average 18-year old who has to choose between luxuries or beer.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4736874
2. So...how was the wedding?
This story is so far off the rails, explaining it at length wouldn't do it justice. Instead, we'll just let the Fark headline speak for this bizarre story out of England: "Groom leaves own wedding reception to pick up welfare check, bride sets fire to groom's bed, bride sleeps with another man, then man and wife beat the other man to death with an oar and a glass. The Aristocrats"
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4403986
1. Til death do us part. Maybe.
Taking the top spot of our weird stories for 2009 is the one that is simultaneously touching, weird, disgusting and sad all wrapped up with a strange little bow. A Vietnamese man name Le Van admitted that he missed his deceased wife so much, he had been sleeping on top of her grave. But after nearly two years of doing that, he became concerned about his exposure risks from rain, wind and cold. So five years ago, he decided to do the next logical thing: he dug up her grave and removed the mostly-decomposed corpse, took it home, packed it in clay to give the remainder of his wife's body some shape, and put clothes on it so that he could sleep next to it in bed. Okay, maybe "logical" was not the right word in this instance, but it's simultaneously charming and disgusting. Mostly disgusting, though. Five years on, the man can sleep and his ex-wife (physically more than legally) seems no worse off for the company. Congratulations, Mr. Van.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4801169
Source: www.fark.com
The next list is equally odd, but strangely lacking in the duplicates and equally funny. While they are all funny, #2 made me laugh for hours when I first heard of it, and couldn't believe that people that stupid actually work ... I thought that welfare was designed for people like that? Well, guess I was wrong. Of course, while #1 isn't actually news, it is just ridiculously funny too.
10. I Ate Little Girls for Two Years (4,032 Diggs)
A woman calling in to win a radio contest of the most unusual things listeners had eaten made the startling admission that she had chowed down on human flesh for two years. In a calm, matter-of-fact voice, the woman explained that the butcher her family had gone to while living in Africa was later convicted of making his mincemeat out of little girls. The unwitting cannibal then informed the morning-drive audience that people meat is sweet tasting and unusually delicious. "The cute ones are the tastiest," Shizer joked. (We think.)
9. I Lied About Tattoo Blunder Because My Father Was Furious (4,296)
A Belgian girl with 56 freshly tattooed stars on her face set the Internet abuzz with the sensational charge that she came to this eye-catching affliction only after she had requested a mere three stars, and then fell asleep in the tattoo artist's chair. As those who spent a moment thinking about sleeping through the pain of a facial tattoo began to doubt her story, Kimberley Vlaminck confessed she made up the improbable tale because her father was understandably horrified by what she had done on her own fruition. JMFerris applauded his skepticism: "In a related story, today scientists reported that water is wet, fire is hot, and ice is cold."
8. Mother Sets Fire to Man Who Raped Her Daughter (4,763)
Antonio Soriano was serving a 9-year sentence for raping a 13-year-old girl when he was a granted a weekend furlough. During his brief freedom, he dared taunt the mother of his victim by mockingly inquiring, "How's your daughter." Later, in response to this callous affront, the outraged mom approached Soriano at a bar, poured kerosene on the rapist, and lit him up. The 69-year-old died 11 days later of internal burns. Diggers often have a soft spot for vigilante justice, especially when it's in response to sex crimes. ZincSaucier led the charge when he explained, "It's not so often I get a chance to advocate burning a man alive, so this is exciting for me."
7. 12-Hour Viagra-Fueled Orgy Ends in Death (4,823)
Sergey Tuganov bet two women $4,300 that he could make love to both of them, simultaneously, for 12 hours straight. And, no, this wasn't just a ploy to turn a couple female acquaintances into high-priced hookers. Determined to double his money as well as his pleasure, the 28-year-old Russian downed 30 Viagra pills before going work. Minutes after becoming the ultimate marathon man by improbably winning the wager, Tuganov died of a Viagra-induced heart attack. "He came and went at the same time," wrote Draxenato. "I wouldn't mind having that on my gravestone."
6. Baby-Faced Boy Is Father at 13 (5,435)
In February, England was enthralled with the tale of Alfie Patten, a baby-faced 13-year-old who impregnated his 15-year-old girlfriend despite looking like he was about 8. Then, about a month later, a pesky paternity test put an end to this charade. It turns out, pre-pubescent boys can't get girls pregnant and that poor Alfie's girlfriend wasn't as faithful as she so adamantly claimed. "I see grand-grand-grand-grand-parent potential here," said Winery, before learning the gig was up.
5. Lady, Your Husband Is a Sick ... DUDE WTF?!? (5,902 Diggs)
Worried that a former boyfriend had downloaded child porn onto her computer, Michelle Owens handed the laptop over to police and asked them to search it for illegal images. BIG MISTAKE, as Owens had clearly forgotten that the most incriminating images they would find were two videos of her having sex with a beagle. Even after she was arrested for bestiality, Owens declined to waive the consent she had given cops to search her laptop, still hoping they'd find evidence to bust her ex for something even more heinous. The sordid tale had Reddem0n thinking about his own sex life: "Dogs get more poon than I do. How sad."
4. Girl Arrested for Swearing on 911 Call (6,504)
Adrianne Ledesma was understandably upset when she called 911, as her father had just suffered a seizure. After her call to emergency services went unanswered, she dialed the number again, uttering some choice curse words as she did. Sgt. Robert McFarlan, who was manning the 911 desk, heard her F-bombs and admonished the panicked girl -- then hung up without even asking her what the problem was.
After a delay, Ledesma was able to get attention for her father, who turned out to be OK. But, to further her ordeal, McFarlen had Ledesma arrested for abusing 911! Eventually Ledesma got a little bit of justice when McFarlen was suspended two weeks for his outrageous behavior. Although that wasn't enough for most diggers, like ftc08, who proclaimed "This guy should be put in ***** jail."
3. Man Paid $2,500 to Impregnate Neighbor's Wife, Fails 72 Times (7,519)
Being sterile, Demetrius Soupolos was unable to have children with his former beauty-queen wife, Truate. So he paid his neighbor Frank Maus, who looked like him and had a couple kids' worth of proof that his boys could swim, $2,500 to knock up his wife. After 72 sexual encounters over six months failed to put a baby into Truate's belly, Demetrius demanded his neighbor have a medical examination.
Much to both men's surprise, Maus was found to be sterile too. (But not to Maus's wife's surprise -- she was forced to confess she always knew Maus wasn't the real father of their children.) Long story short, Soupolos is suing Maus, and Maus is countering with the always popular "I didn't guarantee contraception, just my best effort over and over again" defense. Fbcra8, for one, questions the whole "fail" premise of this ridiculous tale: "Fail? I think not. Sex 72 times with a beauty queen, and no children? Epic win!"
2. Why You Shouldn't Have Your Boss on Facebook (9,484)
Who knows what exactly is real or fake when it comes to screenshots of supposed social networking blunders. But Diggers were buying the hilarious gaffe an English office worker made when she posted a Facebook status update that read, "OMG! I HATE MY JOB!! My boss is a total pervy wanker always making me do sh** stuff just to piss me off! WANKER!!"
Of course, the colorful complainer had forgotten she and her boss were Facebook friends. In his response, for all to see, the wanker admonished her for not realizing that he is gay -- and thus probably not really perving on her. Later in his note he unceremoniously made her an unemployed person. Or, as Marines 920 put it, "He owned her...... LIKE A BOSS!"
1. Girlfriend's Angry Emails to Her Vacationing Boyfriend (11,342) Our story of the year actually took place in the summer of 2007, which is when our protagonist, JD, went on a two-week backpacking trip in Europe. Since he wouldn't be able to use his cell phone and wasn't going to be checking his emails, he informed all the people close to him -- including Em, his girlfriend -- that they weren't going to be able to get in touch with him for a while.
Apparently, Em didn't get the message, beginning a hilarious two-week chain of unanswered emails in which she grew more and more outraged by his lack of response.
As JD tours the old world, Em dumps him, takes him back, dumps him again, says a lot of scarily illogical things and brags about sleeping with another guy in retribution for his silent treatment. Finally, after running into JD's mom and realizing what has happened, Em professes her love for JD and begs and begs him not to read any of the emails.
Well JD did read the emails, and he did dump Em because of them. But, being a gentleman, he waited two years before he released the emails to an eager Internet public. Gle68 especially appreciated the gesture, because he learned something: "If I ever marry, I'm first giving her the Europe test to make sure she's sane."
Source: www.asylum.com
Keep checking back, I plan on updating this as I find them.
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